Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The Embodiment of Fear

Fear is not an emotion
Not anymore
It's not something to shame me
Fear is being born a girl
It's being born melanated
Fear is Mike, Tamir, Trayvon, Aiyana, Renisha, Sean, Jordan and others
It is validating my existence with every breath
Fear is the kinks and curls of my every strand of hair
Fear is pulling down my skirt and pulling up my pants to be "respectable"
It's keeping my mouth ladylike and clean
Fear is rape culture
Normalizing harassment and catcalling
Fear is the seed of courage
And courage is living another day

Sign Off (originally written 11/22/14)

I guess this is my last goodbye
My last hurrah
It feels so surreal yet feels so real
I really don't know how else to feel
'Cause I been at the end of my rope for so long
It feels strange now that I don't have to hold on
But I hold on to the fact that I did my best
So many times my endurance was put to the best
After living a life exhausted, it's time for me to rest
I'm resigned to my resignation
I accept the condemnation and denigration
Of my name
For the actions that I've chose
But nobody really knows
How hard my road is to hoe
I've snatched up and let go
And now I'm glad to say it's over
My sorries are a little bit hollow
Memories seem to follow
Like all the days I spent curled up in bed
Covers pulled way up over my head
Because I couldn't bear to see the sun
Pain stopping me in my tracks
I have no plans of attack
Because I'm hit the hardest in what I need most
And I suppose that I'm supposed
To be sad, sorry and repentant
But I gave it all my best
And it wasn't good enough
So I end it all today

Working Stiff (originally written 11/5/14)

I am so tired of being tired
Wishing to wake up in beams of light
That convert to energy so I might
Rise glorious and victorious
Knowing that I can make a change in my life
Now I'm growing accustomed to struggle and strife
Having to always prioritize
Which obligation is more important
Because I can't
Do it all
Gridlocked with my frustration
Bumpers much closer than rush hour traffic on 294
Thinking that I want much more
Than giving 2 hours of my life daily
For a 50 mile commute
To work for a hourly wage
The quiet rage
Burns inside me, knowing that
It'll take so many years for $1 raise
But just in case
The powers are on my case
I document here my chase
Of the almighty digital dollar
If I had the personal energy to holler
At my personal state of affairs
I would
But for now
I wait to catch my last breath
To exit

Which (originally written 10/30/14)

I'm on the edge, looking down
Up to the sky or down to the ground
Because I'm one more weight from falling
And I'm one less weight from flying
Mama says to just spread my wings
But gravity pulls down everything
Straight faced, but I'm one more tear from crying
I'm just one more joke to smiling
It's easy for me to pretend
That I can make it to the very end
But I'm one more hope to winning
One more choke to beginning
The end
I could be a sail or an anchor
So which way will it be?

E-Feelings (originally written 7/5/14)

I'm just a few words on your smartphone screen
Good for a few laughs
Something like a dream
No, more like an illusion
Trying to talk myself out of this confusion
That my mind seems to create
Every time I see a picture of your face
And the sad thing is
I'm not naive
I wholeheartedly don't believe
In this fantastic happy place
That I have built
So I'm waiting fro the wrecking crew of reality
To tear this bitch down
Because unfortunately
I don't have the heart.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


It’s crazy to me
How your words are my concrete
A foundation on which I can build my story
Yet my words
Became useless when I got the news
You leaving this world
Knocked my world off its axis
Reduced to sitting silently in disbelief
While time passed indifferently around me
Warning of my potential lateness to work

Although I vehemently assert
That you are the reason I write poetry
Your prose drew me
Excerpts in school textbooks
Pointed me to the library
To check out every book I could find
That told of your life
My girlish eyes grew bright
From documentation of life
Of love
Of empowerment
You taught me that everyone had a story
And everyone’s stories are important
My story is important
Who better to write it but me?

I wore all black to work today
Like my own mother, grandmother or aunt
I never thought you’d leave
We always think our parents and elders are immortal
Your words may ease the pain
Your immortal legacy remains
I never met you
But your words and ideas knew me
They spoke to me
Spoke of what I am and could become
Only one
Regret that I have
Is this might be poetic injustice
I am thankful for your life
I am thankful for your love
I am thankful for your words
I am thankful for your wisdom

Mostly I am thankful for you

Tuesday, April 15, 2014


My glasses are hipster
My hips stir
With I do that do that that there
My eyes may be small
But they don't miss much
Nah I'm not pretty
I don't want to turn heads
I am not sure I want to be
THAT girl
I'd rather turn minds
Turn thoughts
A mirror can break
But ideas
Are stronger that glass

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Toma's Bucket List

I have never been one
For a list of bucket
More likely to say fuck it
And live my own dreams
If I make enough daily lists
And wish upon wish
I will have lived my purpose
By that one Judgment Day
Thoughts constantly fill my brain
Like the smell of wetness after rain
And sometimes I don't have the privilege
Of writing everything down
But friends often come around
And make you rethink things
My bucket list is simple
I'd just like to live before I die
Full of passion and compassion
To not hesitate to try
Live my own life as my own woman
Fall in love one good time
To travel this whole wide world
To always defend what is mine
I think that sums it all up
The rest isn't up to me
Above all when I meet the Creator
I should be satisfied to have lived faithfully free

Thursday, March 20, 2014


Is now a thing
My thing
So watch me bring
My thing
Doing my poet thing
With the poet-ting
Alas I’m a woman
So I’m poetess-ing
Make these words sing
With the rhythm of my life
Beat the drum
With the cacophony of injustice
My compassionate minds fails to fathom
Like the dots I connect
To be correct
As a poet.
I could easily bore
You with simile and metaphor
Just for the sake of rhyme
To take time
Just to razzle and dazzle
But I turned the tassel
To graduate
I shall commence to serious poet-ing
Transcribing my human experience
Drawing parallel lines
And giving fines
To those who don’t pay attention
Wake up world!
Earth is turning beneath you!
As the seasons pass, so will you.
Is the poet-thing
That gives me life
On this side of heaven
After my last breath
So I shall write to my death
Knowing these characters
Convey my substance
My passion
Compassion, belief and love
Not just an arbitrary verb
But a purposeful lifestyle.