Monday, June 29, 2015

First Gen Diasporan

I am who I am
That is complex
Who I say I am
That is complex too
But you
Really don't understand
The complexity
Of being free
To create your own space
Where color and race is erased
Simply because that's all that matters to you
I don't racialize myself
Simply because my melanin speaks for itself
#teamchocolate in winter and #teamdarkchocolate in summer
Sun kissed rays say I am a child of my Bantu ancestors
Although some would fight me for that
I'm not Black, I'm African, they say
I'm not really Ugandan, I'm American, they claim
However, I eat kawunga and Hot Flamins with nacho cheese the same
I know of hood snow cones, sandwich bags of tootsies, Tootsie Rolls and lindazi equally
My heart beats are covered with Afrigo, Franco et le TP OK Jazz, Kaskade and Boyz II Men equally
I am an immigrant kid
My parents flew thousands of miles for college and opportunity
So I sound all Midwestern with an African upbringing
My name holds a few stories
And the weight of Baganda legacy
Yet you fight me for my culture
My experiences
My identity
My roots
I am multicultural
Your basic understanding will not limit me
I reject that
So I find solace
In the space
I have created for myself
To be free
To be me.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Wordy Silence

-To Baidy
You ask me how I feel about you
And it silences me
It always catches me off guard
Maybe because
All this time
I have been struggling
To tell you how I feel
It hurts me
How feelings flow off your lips
That you are so sure about me
Even more sure than I am about myself
It hurts me
To be vulnerable
To even write this
But I owe you
You deserve this
So I type
Through the pain in my heart
You have no idea
How much
I want to say
I love you
But I am stubborn
And unsure
My head is fighting my heart
And I want to be sure
Just as sure as you
But my eyes are so blinded
That they only see you
My heart is so full
It can only feel you
My mind is so full
It plays back memories
Of when we are together
All the moments
And texts
You make feel cherished
Cared for
Your gentleness
Calms me
And stops me in my tracks
You don't have to shout for me or at me
You call quietly
And I have no choice but to come to you
So you ask me how I feel about you
Then there is silence
It is filled with all these words