Chameleon

My home is a chameleon
it can warm
and welcoming
but like long high heat
blowing on my skin
it leaves me restless
I bang on the window
thirsty for my own legacy
hungry for my own spot in the world
I am not a daughter
I am Mukisa
I am an adult
not yet fully grown
but yearning for the knock
of opportunity
to grow
growing pains are a bish
even more so when
growing is stunted
by sweet lies
about the freedom of growth

Distance

It was so easy
to run away
pack up all my stuff
for the lawn
where the grass
was so verdant and beautiful

It was so easy
to be fed up
to be completely through
to admit and accept failure
to try and start anew

It was so easy
It WAS so easy
until I came back
into the heart of it
the thick of it
the grit of it

I realized
I can't say when
when business is unfinished
when I love my home
when I can see change on the horizon
like the sun right before dawn

So I put on
my big girl pants
and decide
this is not it
I am not done
and if it takes
my last breath
you could say I tried
they could say I tried
I could say I tried
God could say I tried

To be bigger
to be smaller
to be wiser
to be stronger
to be weaker
to be quiet
to be loud
to be pensive
to be silly
to be my best

Journey

As I look around me
places and spaces filled will clutter
laziness creeping in
worries be still
thing will
be dealt with
I have a plan
whether it takes 5 hours
or 5 days
things will be done
order will be restored
just wait
have faith
that
my body has not failed me
I just need to
take my sweet time.

Of Home

Home is
much more
than a building to me
it is peace
peace of mind
security
I can lay my head down
rest my crown
no need to ponder
the plethora of problems
outside my door
the urge to be atlas' daughter
and carry the weight of the world
is no longer existent

Home is unity
coming together
as a person
as a family
to eat
to love
to pray
to be
seems like
there aren't
many homes anymore
just houses
with addresses
with people
in and out
living separately
housemates

But I will be
the lone hold out
I will be
the home keeper
I will
advocate
preserve
build
homes
because
without a home
without my homes
I would be nowhere
no one
and nothing

so I ask you
where is your home?

Thy Will

Is this crazy?
I can see myself
Being a good wife
But I know not my husband
I can see myself
Being a good mother
But my children are strangers
I can see myself
In stewardship to a good home
Possessing a mysterious address
Well Lord
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done.

peace

Peace/I wonder where you are/These days/You only live in my heart/It's hard/Not to vacation in a house of cards/When the outside looks so stable/Am I able/to not mention/the air thickened by tension/when my intuition is an extension/of myself.
Maybe I /should pack up and go/just keep going down the road/ until I find peace

things I learned in 2013

for donté partee & ntozake shange

As I sit here
1/1/2013
I am compelled to look back
at facts
gained in 2012
1stly
 Idk shit
 the little I know is nuthin
 even some of that little
 got chipped away
2ndly
 I am nobody
 nobody compared to
 the somebody I thought I was
 I am only somebody with Him
3rdly
 I am His child
 nothing I do will change that
 I am worthy
 worthy to be made in His image
 worthy of life
 worthy of love
 worthy of a good man
 who accepts & challenges me
 at the same damn
4thly
 my life is mine
 my choices are mine
 my breaths are mine
 it is time
 to take care
 to take responsibility
to take MFing action
5thly
 change is inevitable
 change can't be stopped
 I must stay on top
 I make changes
 changes Don't make me
 or change me.
welcome 2013
let's do this.